The First Fight

Jonathan Valania

August 2018


It wasn’t loud.

No doors slammed.

No plates thrown.

Just a sentence

I didn’t see coming,

and a silence

I didn’t know how to fill.


You asked a question.

I answered—

too honestly.

Something in your face shifted.

The air got heavier—

but only around me.


You didn’t yell.

You didn’t need to.

You turned your back

and let the silence

do the punishing.


I asked what was wrong.

You said, “Nothing.”

I offered to explain.

You said, “Forget it.”

But you wouldn’t.

I knew that already.


I don’t remember what I said—

only that I was the one

apologizing.


The next morning,

I brought your coffee

just the way you liked it.

You smiled

like nothing happened.


Maybe that’s when it started—

the quiet math of survival:

Say less.

Ask less.

Give more.


It wasn’t loud.

But it stayed.

 

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Letters I'll Never Send

It started with evidence—court documents, voicemails, and text messages meant to prove what was done behind closed doors. But somewhere in the quiet aftermath, it became something else. A record. A release. A slow, sacred beginning.

Letters I’ll Never Send is a poetry and prose collection drawn from the wreckage of an abusive relationship. These pages hold what was never safe to say out loud—fury, sorrow, confusion, love twisted by fear. It’s not a story wrapped in resolution. It’s what healing sounds like when you’re still in the middle.

The print edition includes exclusive poems and reflections not found online. A portion of proceeds goes toward supporting survivors of domestic abuse.

This book isn’t just for the ones who escaped.

It’s for anyone learning how to live after.