Nicotine

Jonathan Valania

My team messages buzzed:

“Sit down.

Stop smoking away your life.

Do you want to die and leave the kids

in her care?”


Subtle. Effective.

She hated smoke,

a sharp contrast to vanilla’s trace.


I chuckled.

She got under my skin.

I wanted her to.


She forced me to focus:

the legacy I’d leave.


Were these drags worth it?

Eased palpitations,

never the stress.

Brief relief—

then crumble.


The message came daily.

Every time I stood,

my phone buzzed.

I smiled.

She taught me:

encouragement beats disdain.

 

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Late Night Drives

 

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Letters I'll Never Send

It started with evidence—court documents, voicemails, and text messages meant to prove what was done behind closed doors. But somewhere in the quiet aftermath, it became something else. A record. A release. A slow, sacred beginning.

Letters I’ll Never Send is a poetry and prose collection drawn from the wreckage of an abusive relationship. These pages hold what was never safe to say out loud—fury, sorrow, confusion, love twisted by fear. It’s not a story wrapped in resolution. It’s what healing sounds like when you’re still in the middle.

The print edition includes exclusive poems and reflections not found online. A portion of proceeds goes toward supporting survivors of domestic abuse.

This book isn’t just for the ones who escaped.

It’s for anyone learning how to live after.