Echoes

Jonathan Valania

*This poem includes references to disordered eating, emotional abuse, and trauma recovery. Reader discretion is advised. Please prioritize your well-being.

 

December 20th, 2024


I haven’t eaten since November.

Days blurred to weeks, then months—

holding it together for them,

bursting at the seams.


They had pizza.

I watched my waist.

Your voice echoed through me—

visceral, vivid, complete.

Much like my nightmares.


It feels wrong without you here.

But it’s right.

Even if it hurts to say.

The boys are doing better

with you gone,

even as I silently break.


And for the first time,

I think we might be okay—

even if I still can’t eat.


I’m always sick to my stomach.

Too sick to eat.

And that’s okay.

I’ve learned to live with that.


I’ve lost weight.

Maybe you’d be proud.

I’d hope.

 

Read the Next Poem

Agoraphobia

Back to blog

Letters I'll Never Send

It started with evidence—court documents, voicemails, and text messages meant to prove what was done behind closed doors. But somewhere in the quiet aftermath, it became something else. A record. A release. A slow, sacred beginning.

Letters I’ll Never Send is a poetry and prose collection drawn from the wreckage of an abusive relationship. These pages hold what was never safe to say out loud—fury, sorrow, confusion, love twisted by fear. It’s not a story wrapped in resolution. It’s what healing sounds like when you’re still in the middle.

The print edition includes exclusive poems and reflections not found online. A portion of proceeds goes toward supporting survivors of domestic abuse.

This book isn’t just for the ones who escaped.

It’s for anyone learning how to live after.