Illusion

This section explores the earliest days of the relationship—the sparks, the vulnerabilities, and the subtle conditioning that masquerades as intimacy. What begins as love soon reveals undertones of control, insecurity, and emotional manipulation. These poems document the slow and almost imperceptible erosion of self. They show the early compromises mistaken for connection and the dangerous myths we hold onto when we are desperate to believe in love.

Order of Poems & Prose: Letters I’ll Never Send (to My Younger Self) – Insomniac Psalms – First Date – Birthday Exodus – Speak – Relate – Vagabond – The First Fight – Mirroring – Shapeable – I Wasn’t Waiting to Fail – Floodlight – 2018 (prose)

*Please be advised: This book contains references to physical and emotional abuse, child abuse, gaslighting, suicide threats, and domestic violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Illusion

Letters I’ll Never Send (to My Younger Self)

Jonathan Valania

You’ll think love means proving your worth. You’ll mistake her rage for passion, her control for concern, her silence for sadness. It’s not. It never was.

Letters I’ll Never Send (to My Younger Self)

Jonathan Valania

You’ll think love means proving your worth. You’ll mistake her rage for passion, her control for concern, her silence for sadness. It’s not. It never was.

Insomniac Psalms

Jonathan Valania

Humid air, heavy as my eyes— twelve cups deep in bitter thoughts and coffee stains.

Insomniac Psalms

Jonathan Valania

Humid air, heavy as my eyes— twelve cups deep in bitter thoughts and coffee stains.

First Date

Jonathan Valania

Your wild streak showed— we climbed a building to calm it. Twelve stories up. I fucking hate heights.

First Date

Jonathan Valania

Your wild streak showed— we climbed a building to calm it. Twelve stories up. I fucking hate heights.

Birthday Exodus

Jonathan Valania

I said I’d be in Utah next week, under stars, breathing in God. But tonight, I can barely breathe.

Birthday Exodus

Jonathan Valania

I said I’d be in Utah next week, under stars, breathing in God. But tonight, I can barely breathe.

Speak

Jonathan Valania

July 2018 You didn’t have a voice— or maybe you just didn’t believe you did. I used to ache over that. Your silence made me feel needed. I mistook that...

Speak

Jonathan Valania

July 2018 You didn’t have a voice— or maybe you just didn’t believe you did. I used to ache over that. Your silence made me feel needed. I mistook that...

Relate

Jonathan Valania

I was just Jon.The fuck-up—always there,religiously broken.But I think you’ve changed me.For the first time, I wanted to be better.

Relate

Jonathan Valania

I was just Jon.The fuck-up—always there,religiously broken.But I think you’ve changed me.For the first time, I wanted to be better.

Read Letters I'll Never Send

What began as court documents, voicemails, and text messages became something more. It's a story about survival, truth-telling, and the long, sacred work of healing.

Letters I’ll Never Send is a raw, autobiographical collection of poems and prose written through the aftermath of emotional abuse. It speaks for the moments you couldn’t. It says what was never safe to say out loud.

Ordering the print edition includes exclusive poems and reflections not available online—and directly supports outreach efforts for survivors of domestic abuse.

This book is for the ones who made it out, and the ones still finding their way.

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Click here to view all the poems in Letters I'll Never Send