Part V · Reclamation
Sentencing
June 2nd, 2025
Honorable Judge,
Thank you for allowing me to have the opportunity to talk about
the impact of the situation that A. has been convicted of. I strug-
gled to write this statement and present it to the court due to the
nature of this crime. To give some background to our marriage:
A. and I met on July 1st, 2018, and were married on October 31st,
2019. Even though this crime is technically a first offense for A., I
cannot count the number of times A. has abused me or our chil-
dren throughout this marriage. I have spent the last 5 years
dealing with significant mental, emotional, and physical abuse.
On November 22nd, 2024, after I had returned from a work trip,
A. bit me, beat me, ripped the shirt off my back, and strangled
me. When her hands were around my neck, I knew she was not
going to stop by her own accord. She had every intent to signifi-
cantly hurt me, and potentially kill me that night. Regardless of
her size, she violated me, attacked me, and inflicted long-lasting
trauma.
This currently is not the time and place to go into specifics of
prior abuse that has occurred. However, in prior hearings not
related to the current event at hand, A. has admitted to frequent
assaults towards me and the kids under oath. Instead, I would
like to focus on what has occurred not only to myself but to my
children. I have severe trauma from this event, causing me to see
two different therapists in an attempt to work through the fallout
and events that occurred. Struggling to sleep at night, reliving the
events constantly. I also have lost the entirety of support I had in
Iowa, due to these events.
L. and E., my two oldest sons, have to see a therapist weekly to
work through the events of the marriage and help change the
learned behavior they have inherited from A. Believing that in
anger it is okay to hit and hurt your family. They also struggle
most nights asking why Mom is no longer at the house. That they
miss her and don’t understand why she left them. They are 4 and
3, respectively. Children this young should never have to deal
with this.
Not only has my family been emotionally impacted, we have had
to carry a heavy financial burden. My mother has effectively
moved to Iowa to help provide additional support to myself, L.,
E., and B. Due to this situation, she had to quit her job, she almost
never gets to see my father (her husband), and had to miss the
euthanasia of one of our family dogs. She has sacrificed a lot to
be a stable caregiver for the children, because A. is unable to do
so. My parents also have been a better support system to A. than
her own family. They even provided her money when she was
arrested so she could eat, get an Uber, and more. They have
always been so kind to her, constantly helping her, when bluntly
she didn’t deserve it.
The financial burden has also extended directly to my household.
I have had to spend a significant amount of money on daycare
each and every month, to ensure the children are properly taken
care of. I have also had to spend thousands on lawyer fees to
protect myself and the children from her. I have had to work
significantly more to afford all the additional expenses, and
ensure a safe life for our children. I have taken on the sole
responsibility of parenthood to ensure L., E., and B. get every-
thing they need, and feel as loved and supported as possible.
One of the biggest problems I have currently with the situation at
hand is A.’s complete and utter lack of remorse or accountability.
A. has a tendency to always be the victim in every situation that
occurs. It has been a running theme through her life and our
marriage. Every assault and every mental health crisis has been
justified. With her using statements such as, “Well if you weren’t
the way you were, I wouldn’t have to hit you,” or as I commonly
heard, “If you weren’t so fat and disgusting, I wouldn’t cheat on
you/I would be nicer to you.” Most recently, A. spun a story
about how I was the abuser to our church connection group,
causing me to be removed from people I thought were my
friends, people I invested time, effort, and energy into.
I believe some of those people have or will give character state-
ments to you today. I want it to be known that they have known
about the abuse both to myself and the children that has
occurred. Justifying A.’s actions because, in their words, “A
woman can’t physically abuse a man.” Moreover, I find this
incredibly disheartening being as some of them are mandatory
reporters for the State of Iowa.
A.’s lack of accountability became apparent when she stated to a
DHS worker she didn’t know why she was arrested and that I
was making this whole situation up. Later, telling the same DHS
worker she has never slapped our son across the face, yet admit-
ting to it on the stand (under oath) in our temporary custody
hearing. A. only tells people what they want to hear, not the
truth.
When A. and I were together, she was given multiple opportuni-
ties to fix her abusive behavior. I have personally paid thousands
of dollars for psychiatric care and therapeutic care. My parents
have personally paid thousands of dollars for psychiatric care
and therapeutic care. These sessions lasted on and off almost the
length of our entire marriage. However, due to A.’s inability to
take accountability for her behavior and actions, they were effec-
tively wasted time. A. continues to give up on actually getting
the mental health support she needs, lasting only months at a
time on medication.
I do not believe A. has the emotional intelligence to evaluate and
understand her acts of domestic abuse are wrong. I do not
believe she understands the gravity of her actions, her lack of
integrity, or that her unwillingness to stick to mental health treat-
ment is not an excuse to hurt others. Instead, she will feel no
remorse, no empathy, and will continue to justify her actions. As
she has always done.
A. will continue to abuse: be it me, the kids, or the next partner
she is with. Unfortunately, this is not a question of if, instead it is
a matter of when.
I believe A. should be forced to take accountability for her actions
and serve a fair amount of jail time, along with receiving the
proper help and care she needs to become a better person.
Sincerely,
Jonathan